I wanted to take this opportunity to explain process and what I believe it means to actually trust the process. To clarify this even more, there is no such thing as a generic “process”. Every process is different and you should understand what you need to do and how you should navigate your own specific process.
If you are a basketball fan or sports fan in general, you probably are very familiar with the phrase “trust the process”. It was a phrase that was made popular by the 76ers during their rebuilding years. They completely tore down their entire team after a stretch of good seasons but they were never a legitimate title threat. The 76ers management decided to hit the restart button and build the team from the ground up. The phrase was thrown around so much it pretty much lost all of its value and became utterly cliché.
What I am going to focus in on is the importance of making things a process and trusting that what happens during the process will become more memorable and valuable than the end goal itself. That’s right, you have it all wrong. Focus and highest priority should be placed on the processes rather than just the outcome. Everyone must have a dream, but being obsessed with the benefits and end result of that dream is actually just what a dream is. It’s make believe, it’s not reality. You want the end result so bad that you don’t know how to start or how to overcome obstacles that arise.
Say your end goal is to be a great athlete. Becoming a great athlete is something that takes time and dedication, and it must start from a very young age, you don’t wake up on your 21st birthday and start to pursue a professional career in athletics, it is not practical or really even possible. Someone who wants to be a great athlete is going to put all of their effort into training to become that great athlete. Athletes know they can’t imagine or think themselves into a win. They know that busting their ass in training sessions and practice will get them there. You can’t just wish to be a star athlete or simply speak or think it into existence, you have to dedicate and fall in love with the process that will allow you to become a great athlete.
Let me provide more context. So say you’re unhappy and your goal is to become happy. I do believe that happiness is a choice, but you can’t just trick yourself into being happy by convincing yourself you are happy when you really are not. The process to happiness, just like becoming an athlete is a process and you have to focus in on the training. You must focus in on the things that make you happy. If nothing makes you happy then you must do some serious soul searching and step away from your daily routine to find your happiness. It may not make sense to others but ultimately it will be the most important thing you ever do in your life and will shape your actions and attitude for the remainder of your life. When you are in the stage of discovering your happiness, you must evaluate everything and every person that is in your life. If you have people in your life that don’t make you happy or just as importantly, don’t want to see you happy, then that person(s) should not be in your life, straight up.
These decisions are always hard because you are basically telling someone else that you have a relationship with that they’re not good enough or deserving enough to be in your life. This is difficult because it could involve hurting someone else’s feelings, which could be detrimental to your reputation. These things though really don’t matter in the grand scheme. When you are cutting someone out, it has to come from a good place. You need to be honest and straightforward but you need to let them know that it is simply to better yourself and not because of something the other person did. You need to explain that your happiness is your top priority and changes must be made. It is simply impossible to become a happier person without making changes and editing your life. You may hurt someone else’s feelings but don’t worry, they will get over it and they will understand and eventually forgive you. The bottom line is you just can’t keep someone around who doesn’t actually care about your success as an individual.
That person has other reasons why they want to be around you and it’s not for who you are and the big heart you have. They just want to be your friend because they see other people being your friend and they think that will help improve their status. Eliminating those people who hold you down will be extremely difficult at first but you will feel liberated when it’s all said and done. There is nothing wrong with having a large circle of friends but sometimes all you need is a few ride or dies who are always going to have your back and have your best interest in mind. These are the beginning stages on the process to happiness. The next step is your attitude. Many people feel like they have the right to be a mean and nasty person if they are dealing or have dealt with hardships or issues or have been victimized or mistreated in the past. The truth is there is no excuse, to ever disrespect someone else and make them feel any less than what they are. It doesn’t matter what you are going through or what you are dealing with or have dealt with.
Everyone in the world has problems and has been through rough times. Some people’s problems are more serious and have complex solutions, but every single person who has ever lived has or had problems Just imagine how horrible our society would be if everyone acted in a way where our problems and stressors kept us from treating others how you want to be treated. This would mean everyone on earth would be an asshole and only cared about themselves. I know some people may feel the world is that way, but there are plenty of great people who have great intentions who are looking to help others and make a difference on both a macro and micro level.
What many don’t realize is, your attitude towards others says everything about yourself. If you mistreat and disrespect others, you probably do that same thing to yourself. It doesn’t have to be something physical. You can disrespect yourself by the people you hang out with, the media and online content you consume, and the day to day decisions you make.
We need to remember that most of the time when we act out it, is a projection of our own insecurities and flaws onto others, particularly onto people that seem to “have it easier” then we do. Nobody deserves that and nobody is going to help you if that’s how you choose to act. It seems so simple but we really have to watch how we interact with others and respond to certain people. You can be seen vulnerable if you let insecurities bother you. Some people will latch onto that and won’t do anything to help you overcome them. They will just accept you as less. How you respond to others can be extremely telling. This will certainly be a process and you will definitely have to catch yourself at times.
The third process you need to focus on is how you view yourself and what your self-talk sounds like. This may be the most important step. What are the things that you say to yourself? You must have a positive image of yourself at all times and absolutely must never actually care about what anyone else says. Not letting your failures, insecurities and shortcomings define you as an individual are a huge element in achieving this. It means absolutely nothing that someone else looks better than you or has more money than you. Just like at the flip side of that, there are things that you are way better than them at also, it doesn’t make them or you any better than anyone else, there are just simply differences.
Just because you don’t have a billion dollars like some people doesn’t mean you should complain about your financial situation and let that distract you from your unique abilities. Let’s say your unique ability is that you can always make people feel good about themselves when you are around them. You can’t put a price tag or dollar sign on something like that. You have impact and a personality that attracts others.
We need to stop letting other people be our barometer. Rich and wealthy people should not be put on a pedestal and viewed as who we need to be like. I believe that the future version of yourself should be your biggest role model. Have a vision of who you want to be and what you want to be. Do things that will help you get there. Don’t try to be like Bill Gates, guess what, you’re not going to create Microsoft because it’s already been done. You’re not going to be Steve Jobs because the iPhone already exists. Use your own gifts and talents to do something spectacular and unique.
We all have amazing untapped potential that we need to recognize and work hard each day to realize it. That’s what should be putting on a pedestal. Not super rich or good looking people. I just don’t get what the point is of trying to be like someone else. They had their own process that made them successful. Just because you read their book doesn’t mean you’re going to be a successful billionaire. Everyone’s process is different and unique to them as an individual, so decide what works best for you and really zero in on that.
To me, a lack of confidence is one of the bigger character flaws I can think of. How can you be trusted, loved and truly accepted if you don’t even feel that way about yourself. People can sniff out fake, like a dog sniffing for narcotics. You will be appreciated much more if you be yourself and who you truly rather than trying to act like someone else. Every time you beat yourself up over every little mistake, you are eating away at your self-confidence.
You can actually tell if someone is confident or not even if they never say a word. You can tell by the way the walk, their body language, the way they dress, etc. While certainly not always, sometimes you need some context, but for the most part, these things are all dead give a ways. You can never have the attitude of “not good enough” or “I can’t do that”. Those two phrases will be the death of you. Even if it seems insignificant or unimportant, uttering those phrases to yourself embeds them in your subconscious mind and will spring back up during some importune times, when you really can do something but you’ve tricked your mind into believing you’re not good enough. How unfortunate is that. It’s sad but true.
I think it is always better to try and fail then it is to not try and just assume what the result would be. This plays right into perception. You don’t want to fail because you’re scared of the perception that will follow. The perception that you will be labeled a failure. I can never understand why other people’s perception of you matters.
Even if you were extremely well liked by 10,000 people, the truth is every single one of them has a different perception of you, while all positive, the perception is still different. So why care if someone has a differing perception of you than what you would perceive yourself as. They just simply don’t know you like you know yourself. Very few people are ever going to truly understand you through and through as a person and you might not even understand that about yourself. So why let a misperception of yourself stop you from enjoying your life. It makes no sense at all. So never make decisions based on what other people might perceive. For example “oh I don’t wanna do this because someone else might think I’m lame”. You cannot be serious. Think about it, you’re really going to sacrifice the fun you would have and the memories you would make, just because someone else who you don’t even really care about might think you’re lame. Kill perception. Murder it. Don’t ever take it seriously. I know this piece jumped around all over the place but ultimately I want you to understand what process means in relation to perception.
What I want you to get out of this if nothing else is, don’t focus on the result out the outcome. Fall in love with the journey and put all your energy and focus into making the most out of that journey. When results are achieved, the result itself will not be as rewarding as you thought. What will reward and fulfill you is the process and the all the steps you took to get to that result. That is where the magic is.
The ultimate process we must go through in life is the process to happiness. If it comes naturally to you, consider that a blessing and use that gift to help others. If we can place our energy and focus on the journey, keep a positive attitude, make necessary edits, stop comparing ourselves to others, and focus on our uniqueness and kill perception, we can definitely speed up the process and enjoy the process getting to happiness much much more. Finally, remember that your process is different from everyone else’s. Don’t let someone else’s process slow your process down or speed it up. Find a pace that works for you and you only and ride it until the wheels fall off.
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