The word positivity can take on so many different meanings. We are surrounded by so much negativity that positivity, seems like something we have to work hard for or lie to ourselves and trick our minds to attain. I like to believe that we were all born with a positive framework and an optimistic outlook towards life. Once we are able to logically understand things and communicate with others, we are subjugated to negative behavior and a pessimistic mentality. Most of this is passed onto us from our parents or people who have significant roles in our upbringing. If your parents tend to be on the more negative side and are naturally more pessimistic, then that is in your framework and you have to intentionally go against that to try and become a more positive thinker. Negativity is easy and is something that we don’t have to think about. It is an impulse, an almost automatic response. It is simply just much easier to point out the mistakes and the downside of different experiences than to think what it was you liked and want to take with you. Take many English teachers for example, when they grade your essay they mark it up with that red pen and tell you how awful your grammar and sentence structure is and how poor of a writer you are. They don’t ever tell you what they liked about the paper and what your strengths are as a writer. I believe this is a big reason why many students spend too much time trying to overcompensate for their weaknesses rather than capitalizing on their strengths. So many students leave their lower education with not a clue as to what they are good at. It is hard to know what you are good at and how you can leverage that if you have only have awareness surrounding your weaknesses. Kids don’t want to improve on the things they struggle in, they want someone else to help them so they can focus on their strengths. This may be a topic for another time but it will help in the understanding of this specific concept.
We are all familiar with phrase guilty by association. The people that you hang around and keep close to you have a major impact on your mentality and your attitude, so naturally, it is so easy for negative people to surround themselves with negativity and sometimes this can even be your parents (You can’t really control this one). I really like what Gary Vaynerchuck said about dealing with negative parents. Since parents are our keepers and providers we need them for many reasons. If they are extremely negative, that will rub off on you and you will pick up that negativity without even thinking. Gary said that if we are living in a negative environment, we need to be consuming positivity, whether that be through the media, music, books, friends, anything that sheds positivity, we need to be eating that up. I couldn’t have agreed more with Gary’s thought process. We must stay positive internally, even though it seems that external forces are doing everything they can to confuse you. The opposite can also trigger negative or positive behavior. If you live in a positive environment and have people in your life who are optimistic and genuinely want to see you succeed and have your best interest in mind, but consume negativity through other friends or media, music, etc. it can be very difficult to escape from and embrace your positive environment. While this may seem crazy and you might think who would ever do that but it is reality. With negativity surrounding it can be hard to even have positive thoughts or simply know what real positive thoughts are. One of the first things you hear being told to people who want to make change in their lives is to be more positive. It is so often said that we think its bullshit and impossible to actually attain. It seems like more of a wish than a reality. It is very difficult for your mind to comprehend and simply just “be more positive”. All the “you can do it” or “believe in yourself” has become so cliché that no one even really means it or understands it when it is said. It can be difficult to believe in yourself if you have been told you can’t or won’t your whole life. So what does it actually mean to be more positive?
Being positive is a choice. I mentioned earlier that we are born with it but we are stripped away of it before we can even remember or know what it is like to have a positive mindset. A positive outlook starts with a few broad internal paradigms that have been conditioned one way your whole life, but now since you realize you are not where you want to be mentally and want to make a positive change, you have to rework and reprogram your outlook and attitude, which can be a daunting and overwhelming task. One of these broad paradigms that control our thoughts and the way we think is whether or not you think people in the world are generally for you trying to help you or are they against you as if you have a target on your back. You can make a solid argument for both sides when it comes to which one is more beneficial. It may vary based on where you are in life and what kind of work you do. Maybe if you are an athlete where the competition is so fierce and turnover can happen in the blink of an eye. Athletes don’t have to have this mindset, it just makes the most sense for them, but for the vast majority of humans that are not professional athletes, to achieve a more positive state of mind you must have a paradigm that is everyone is generally for you and wants to see you succeed. So many people feel like they have something to prove and have to show someone who once doubted them that they were wrong about them. This attitude stems from when you think everyone is out to get you. You become defensive and have trust issues, this leads to poor relationships with friends, colleagues or anyone. It is to your own advantage if don’t always have your guard up prepared to come after anyone who may disagree with you. The truth is we don’t owe anybody shit. If you feel that you have to prove something to someone, you are letting your insecurities consume your mind and it reflects in your attitude and actions. I know this because someone else’s opinion drove you to the point where you become obsessed with proving them wrong but in reality you don’t actually care, you just wanted to show that other person they were wrong. So much of this can be solved by just accepting differences in opinion. For example, Tom and Cindy like each other and are considering getting together. Cindy gets word that Tom is hesitant to be with Cindy because she isn’t funny enough. Cindy gets upset and so offended to the point that she sets out to prove Tom wrong, that she is hilarious and everyone thinks she’s hysterical. Cindy simply wants to prove Tom wrong that she is in fact funny and that will make Tom really want her. Cindy tries telling jokes and funny stories and thinks of Tom every time she gets a laugh. Cindy doesn’t actually care about being funny, but since Tom’s opinion of her sense of humor is in question, she thinks it the main road block in her relationship with Tom. The main point of this little story is Cindy tried so hard to become funny after Tom said she wasn’t, that she started letting her insecurities really come to life. She focused so hard on being funny that she lost sight of the other qualities she possessed that initially drew in Tom. On the flip side, Tom just used the fact that she wasn’t funny as a cover up for not being ready to take on a relationship and not being able to communicate his real feelings toward her. One big part of having a positive mentality is not getting stuck up on the things you lack or do not do well. Yes we should always be in the pursuit of more and looking to improve ourselves as much as we can. With that being said, it is imperative to focus on our strengths, interests, and passions. I once read a quote that says “Stress is a direct result of devoting a lot of effort to a task that is not in line with one’s abilities”. We will most certainly stress ourselves out if we try to overcompensate for the things we lack, instead of getting the most out of the areas in which we excel.
The previous relates back to my point with teachers and writing essays. To sum this up, we can develop a more positive state of mind by not dwelling on our weaknesses or flaws, not trying to be something or someone that we are not, and not letting the opinions of others dictate our actions or the things we enjoy and believe in. A very important ingredient in having a more positive attitude and mindset is having some resolve. Resolve is the ability to have some toughness and being able to weather the storm sometimes. You have to be able to accept some losses and know how to bounce back from them. Another important part of having resolve is always focusing on the positive of every single outcome. Believe it or not, there is always some positive that comes from every situation. Take the example of getting fired from your job, yeah it sucks you don’t have your job anymore, your losing your main source of income, benefits, connections, etc. But what is the positive of this? You have to the opportunity to find another job that you could enjoy more or maybe now you can start the business you always wanted to. Maybe you can move to a different area and get a fresh start. Always finding the positive in every situation is a key to happiness and a positive state of mind. So yes, positivity is a choice and we owe it to ourselves to not spend the extremely limited amount of time we have on Earth being negative and shitting on everyone and everything. I guarantee that when you are on your death bed, you will not be wishing you had been more negative and spent more time dwelling in your insecurities. If you commit to live your life with a positive outlook and mindset your quality of life will increase to levels you couldn’t even imagine. You will not only make your life better but you will be a magnet, other people will be drawn to you and will want to feed off of your radiant positivity. Guaranteed, every time.
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